Drink and Drinking

Attentive readers of other parts of this family story may have noticed that alcoholic drink has been referred to on more than one occasion. The brothers and some other family members have not been averse to the occasional tipple. Indeed more than once the term "piss-artist" has been used and, less politely, "alcoholic". Both descriptions are accurate enough. But click the pictures below to learn more about the brothers.

David

Paul

Alan

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A fondness for drink has been so common over the years that it can almost be regarded as a family characteristic. Booze has certainly affected the lives of all three brothers. In fact they regard themselves as experts on the subject though who is the most expert remains a matter of dispute.

The object of this page is to give closer consideration to alcohol and alcoholism. As experts we have some hope that the younger family members (and anyone else who cares to read this) may learn something. Though the young seldom benefit from the experience of elders, and sometimes not even from their own.

Let me get this straight. First you say you're a piss-artist. Then you say you haven't had a drink for thirty years or something.
Nowhere near that, especially in my case. I'm Paul, the eldest.

OK, OK, but it still doesn't quite add up. You probably never were an alcoholic to begin with. Why did you give up?
I'm an alcoholic alright; but I'm not going to argue about definitions. Why did I stop? Drink was harming my health. It was costing a fortune. It had put a strain on family relationships for years; it was affecting my work. My liver was becoming enlarged - I could feel it. I was not even enjoying it any more, and I hated my dependency on it. I felt guilty, I felt ill... The usual story. But see what David and Alan have to say:-

Why didn't you stop earlier?
Oh, I did. Many times. Sometimes it lasted for weeks, more often days, sometimes hours. In 1980 I was told to stop for a year because of a medical problem (not caused by booze). I stopped for one year to the day (6th July). I thought I had now kicked it and would resume drinking but in moderation. In a week I was back to ten pints a day or more.

This all sounds a bit depressing. What's the biggest problem about being an alcoholic?
For me right now? The worst thing is not being able to have a drink. People think not drinking is temperance. It's really a form of intemperance, a kind of extremism. But it's what you're forced into as a result of long-term lack of temperance in drinking in earlier years. Moderation is no longer possible. Maybe my brothers have a different slant on it all.

So you'd like a drink? I thought you said alcohol was bad news and drinking should be discouraged.
I never said that. I'd like to be able to drink, but I don't want to. It'd be playing with fire; I'd rapidly become dependent again. And it's nice being sober. It's great to think clearly, not to have hangovers, or an impaired sense of balance. To feel healthy; not to have a lurking sense of guilt that needs a few stiffeners to damp down. Not to be assailed by vague anxieties; to be able to cope with day-to-day problems without them seeming insoluble. Also I'm getting out of the habit of assessing time by the availability of drink. "Only another hour till the pub/supermarket opens/closes".

But drink is one of the great pleasures of life with many of the benefits claimed for it. And yes I'd love to enjoy a drink like a normal human being, even get a bit tipsy sometimes. But I had a good innings of drinking in earlier years, and not such a good time more recently. So I've called it quits.

So you're not sorry you started drinking. How did you start, anyway?
No, I'm not sorry. I started much the same way as most people. In our culture it's normal to take a drink. When you're sixteen or so it's a way of showing you're grown-up. Same as smoking. If you enjoy it, if you feel more confident, less anxious, more accepted by your group, it probably becomes part of your way of life. If you're a guilt- or anxiety-prone person and it makes you feel less bad about yourself you may take to it in a big way. David has more to say.

So when does a drinker become an alcoholic?
Difficult to say. Going on my experience, and probably for most, it's a gradual process. Without really noticing you get so that you depend more and more on alcohol. Or if you notice, you ignore it, put it out of your mind. You can hold your liquor, for God's sake. You're not a drunk like some you've seen. I was dependent by the time I was 30 but wasn't drinking so much it seemed a serious problem. Also, stopping for a while was not difficult. It was another twenty years before I began to want a drink in the morning sometimes to steady my hands or help my concentration, and by that time I knew I had a problem.

As the condition progresses the good things about drinking, the pluses, diminish, and the minuses increase. I managed to stop before it became totally and catastrophically negative, but I was looking over the edge. Down there is full-blown psychosis.

But the short answer is that when you begin habitually to feel that you need a drink before you can relax or face something difficult, you should take warning. You're on the way. Especially if there's a family history.

Your brother mentioned changing from home to pubs. Does it make any difference where you drink?
It depends on circumstances and local habits. The important thing is not to get into drinking habits that encourage abuse of alcohol. I used to drink mainly in pubs. I seldom had booze at home because I knew it wouldn't last long. I stopped buying duty-free bottles at airports. It was no saving, but an additional expense because I'd end up drinking it on top of my "normal" consumption.

In later years I switched to drinking at home. I began to dislike the company of drunks and the other riff-raff and deadbeats that infest bars. They became predictable and often irritating. I think that sometimes I caught a glimpse of myself in them. I realised increasingly that there were only a few of the regulars in the pubs I used that I actually liked, and very few that I could call friends. Also at my rate of consumption it just got too expensive. Drinking on your own is a bad habit which may augur ill for the future. Or it may just reflect a misspent past.

I need to add that pubs were an excellent source of contacts. Whether it was car repairs, slab-laying, cheap cigarettes, golf-balls or various other goods and services, the informal grey economy of the pub would provide. I occasionally contributed typing and grammatical skills. I miss all that.

How did you get over your addiction? Was it difficult?
Once you're addicted I don't think you ever get over it. You can stop drinking though.

Yes it was difficult if you look at it in terms of the number of times I tried and failed to stop; or stopped and found excuses to restart. I got very good at deceiving myself. The immediate difficulty is that your body is crying out for a drink. You cease to function "normally" without one. It was getting so I needed a drink before I felt able to drive a car!

If you can get over that withdrawal period it is not too difficult. I took advantage of a holiday in a remote cottage. I had a limited amount of drink and eked it out over a few days. When it ran out I could have got more but only with some difficulty. Since I was determined to stop I didn't replenish it. It wasn't really difficult from there. But people and circumstances differ.

The secret is to really want to stop, not just think you ought, or kid yourself that you intend to. Trying to stop is a deceit. If you want to stop, you don't try; you do it, whatever it takes.

The next planet was inhabited by a tippler...
  "What are you doing there?" he said to the tippler...
  "I am drinking," replied the tippler, with a lugubrious air.
  "Why are you drinking?" demanded the little prince.
  "So that I may forget," replied the tippler;
  "Forget what?" inquired the little prince, who already was sorry for him.
  "Forget that I am ashamed," the tippler confessed, hanging his head.
  "Ashamed of what?" insisted the little prince, who wanted to help him.
  "Ashamed of drinking!" The tippler brought his speech to an end, and shut himself up in an impregnable silence.   And the little prince went away, puzzled.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince. Heinemann, 1954    

So what else is there to say about alcoholism?
Lots and lots, no doubt. This is just a web-page not a text book. It is a look at the drinking of three people, for the sake of whatever insights that may afford. These three cases are comparatively uncomplicated, and less spectacular than some you might have heard of. I'd make two points.

First, alcoholism is destructive of human relationships, particularly family relationships. This is not the place to dwell on the pain that may have been caused. Suffice it to say that mercifully all the marriages in the present case have survived apparently in working order. This is not that common, and says much for the women concerned. We also seem to have escaped the loss of work and income that so often gives an added fatal twist to the alcoholic spiral of personal and social disintegration.

Second, making the alcoholic feel guilty about his or her drinking may be counter-productive. I used to feel guilty about my drinking, and not without reason. The way I coped with this, as often as not, was to blame someone else for my problems and have a few drinks to make myself feel better - not necessarily in that order - and then have a few more. Thank God no-one kept prodding my sense of guilt further or things would probably have got worse. Not every boozer is so fortunate. The alcoholic is in perpetual danger of staggering around in vicious circles.